Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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