why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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