I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize