I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
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