____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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