I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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