Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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