are you so shy because you have an std?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
