I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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