I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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