I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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