You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
