xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Randomize
