it was like his penis was on wheels.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
