So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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