I'm gonna have a badass scar
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
