is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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