No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
