Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
