Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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