And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
