So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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