I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
