I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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