Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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