she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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