Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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