"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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