craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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