STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
