hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
