She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
