I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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