Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
