No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I fill condoms, not promises.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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