I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Will you blow on my dice?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
