I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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