pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
