opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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