it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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