glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
