i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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