I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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