New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize