Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize