Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
