While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
