Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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