saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
