ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize