she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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