i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
