So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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