I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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