so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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