dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
where am i from again
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Pooping to opera.
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