I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
