Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
