you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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