i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
