Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
