I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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