if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
