thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
