So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You are a genius and a whore.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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