I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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