i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
