We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize