I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
