Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
