two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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