My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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