lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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