I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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