We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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