I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
