that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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