I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
