So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were destined to go to rehab together
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
