I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
