you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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