you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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