I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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