his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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