look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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