Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
