you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
