absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
