Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
