If that was your dad, he is hot
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You have to summon your inner elephant
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
