he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
