Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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