She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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