So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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