You're completely useless in the revolution.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
