1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
God I need to hump something, right now.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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