Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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