walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize