Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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