I looked at my own cervix.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
