tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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