Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
