You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
