Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize