Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you win again, gameday.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
