can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
