I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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