dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
