Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
